I watched my coworker eat a sandwich today like he was auditioning for a role in a nature documentary about hippos. Every chew sounded like a small argument between two pieces of bread. Halfway through, he looked genuinely confused why I'd suddenly started eating with my headphones on at full volume—not even music playing, just static. He asked if I was okay. I said, "Yeah, just trying to create a sound barrier between your mouth and my will to live."