Every morning I watch Janet from Accounting perform the same ritual: rinse one mug under cold water, inspect it like a crime scene investigator, then place it back with the other thirteen because apparently fourteen dirty mugs somehow equals abundance. Yesterday I used a fork to stir my coffee and a colleague asked if I was "doing some kind of wellness thing," which is the moment I understood that the office has collectively agreed to pretend this is normal. The real insight came when I found the supply closet budget spreadsheet open on the printer—we'd spent €340 on motivational posters about teamwork but €0 on the one thing that would actually unite us: a single box of teaspoons, which everyone would immediately hide like they were made of gold.