I spent twenty minutes surgically peeling tape from a cereal box yesterday, convinced I was being respectful to the cardboard. By minute nineteen, I was holding a cereal box that looked like it had survived a bear attack, and I still hadn't actually opened it—I'd just created six new, worse entry points. The box won. It's still sitting on my counter, slowly leaking granola onto my floor like a sad little piñata, probably laughing at me.