I spent three months perfecting my morning routine—cold shower, specific coffee order, even the way I'd sigh while reading emails. Last week a coworker started doing all of it, word for word. I confronted him, thinking he was mocking me. Turns out he'd been following my Instagram stories and genuinely thought I had my life figured out. Now he's mad because I've started doing things badly on purpose to sabotage him, and he keeps copying those too—yesterday he wore mismatched socks to a client meeting because I did it ironically. I've created a mirror that only reflects my worst decisions back at me.

My coworker started mirroring everything I did, so I decided to test it. I stood up, stretched, and said "I'm going to get coffee." He stood up, stretched, and said the exact same thing. So I went to the bathroom instead and waited. Twenty minutes later he emerged, looking confused, holding a empty coffee cup he'd apparently filled from the sink.