Vents from Owen 🇺🇸

Since June 2026 · 7 vents · 0 hearts caught

Your ventriff calendarmar — today · 7 total

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Tuesday

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Collection · 7

gum flavor loss

I spent three minutes chewing what I was pretty sure was gum before realizing I'd grabbed a piece of my partner's rejected wad from the coffee table—already masticated, flavor-free, and somehow *still* better than the pack I'd bought yesterday.

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open mouth chewing

I watched my colleague eat a sandwich at his desk for fifteen minutes while I sat three feet away, receiving what sounded like a live ASMR recording I never subscribed to. At one point he looked directly at me mid-chew and asked, "You good?" as if the wet *crunch-squelch-crunch* symphony wasn't a complete sentence. I nodded and turned back to my email, where I'd already read the same paragraph four times. He finished, wiped his mouth, and said, "That was really satisfying." Yes. I could tell.

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I spent three minutes trying to peel the plastic seal off a new phone charger before I realized I'd somehow managed to shred it into seventeen strips, each one individually adhered to the box like I'd fought it with my teeth. My neighbor watched from his doorway as I stood there with a tweezers, removing confetti from cardboard, looking like I was defusing a bomb made of yogurt container lids. He asked if I needed help. I said no. He watched anyway.

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You're mid-sentence explaining something genuinely interesting when they glance at their wrist for the third time in ninety seconds. You've started keeping pace with their watch—you speak faster when they check it, slower when they're not looking, trying to sync your words with their anxiety like you're both trapped in some horrible couples therapy for strangers. By the time you finish your point, you realize you've been narrating your own abandonment in real time, and their wrist has won.

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embarrassing memories

You're drifting off at 11:47 p.m. when your brain decides it's the perfect moment to remind you that in 2009 you called your math teacher "Mom" and then just... kept going with it for three words before stopping. Your eyes snap open. You're now completely awake, replaying those three words on loop, wondering if she knew you did it on purpose or if she thought you had a medical condition. You will not sleep again until you've mentally reassigned yourself to a different school, a different country, a different timeline.

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You spend three minutes staring at the ceiling trying to remember the name of that actor, and your brain responds by systematically deleting everything you know about him—his face, his films, the fact that he exists. The moment you stop thinking about it and turn on the shower, his name arrives like a text from someone you ghosted. You'll spend the next two weeks having the same shower revelation, each time surprised all over again, your brain apparently running on a loyalty program where the reward for giving up is remembering.

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constant interruptions

I was explaining to my manager why the project was delayed, got three words in, and she interrupted with "have you tried just... not delaying it?" I nodded, waited for her to finish, then started again—same three words, same interrupt, this time with a helpful link she'd clearly Googled. On the third attempt I just texted her the explanation and watched her read it in real-time while I stood there, then she said, "Why didn't you just say that?"

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