I spent three minutes peeling a label off a jar like I was defusing a bomb, only to end up with what looked like a shredded birthday decoration and a thumb permanently adhered to the adhesive residue. The jar is now labeled "Mystery Product," which is fine, I'm sure it's either pasta sauce or industrial lubricant. My wife asked why I was standing at the sink making angry breathing sounds at a Trader Joe's label. I told her some things can't be explained, only survived.