Vents from Bram 🇳🇱

Since June 2026 · 3 vents · 0 hearts caught

Your ventriff calendarjan — today · 3 total

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Thursday

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open mouth chewing

My dentist chews with his mouth open during appointments while he's deciding which tool to use next. I've started scheduling cleanings just to hear his full, wet commentary on my molars. Last week he spent forty-five minutes on one tooth while I watched his jaw work like a cement mixer, occasionally pausing to tell me I need to floss more. I'm considering switching dentists, but honestly, where else am I going to get free ASMR that makes me want to never eat again?

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talking while eating

I'd scheduled this sandwich like a dentist appointment—thirty uninterrupted minutes of peace. Three bites in, my coworker appears: "So what do you think about the Johnson report?" I now have a choice between swallowing a golf ball of bread or speaking like a malfunctioning walrus. Somehow I do both. She nods thoughtfully at my response, which was definitely just the word "mmph" with occasional vowels, and I realize she's going to base her entire afternoon on whatever my mouth just said.

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onbereikbare telefoon

Je staat met twee volle tassen voor je voordeur als je telefoon gaat. Je durft de tas niet neer te zetten — wat als het je moeder is? — dus je worstelt twintig seconden lang met één hand op je toetsenblok, terwijl je boodschappen tegen je borst klemt en je kin probeert in te zetten. Als je eindelijk je telefoon hebt: een stem die zegt "U bent geselecteerd voor gratis zonnepanelen." Je hebt nu officieel vijftien eieren in je broeksband.

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